“But what if it happens again?”
This is the question couples want to know when they are in my office and they are scared with the idea that even with all the tools they have gained, all the efforts they have made, that they will fall into the grips of conflict and disconnect.
The answer is simple. It WILL happen again!
Stop waiting for the shoe to drop. I tell them will certainty that they will one day, maybe sooner than later, they will find themselves once again disillusioned with their partners thoughtless response, angered at the lack of appreciation, or feeling distant.
All is not bad news, however.
My greatest hope for these couples, as well as all other couples, is that they learn to pick up the shoe quicker. That they can recognize when and how they have derailed the relationships into old, painful but familiar territory and pull out some repair tools that can help them get back on track.
Getting back on track sounds like…
“Ok, here we are again. I don’t like how we are communicating and I feel lonely with this distance but I know how we can repair this.”
You see, marriages get off track. Humans get off track all the time and humans are the principal component of marriages and relationships. Don’t despair. Don’t start running for the door…figuratively and metaphorically. Once you start flirting with the idea that you have an OUT, soon that will be the only option you see.
What if you stayed IN? What if instead of putting the energy and focus on what doesn’t work, we began to think of how to get the relationship back to a place where we feel connected, seen and heard.
These tools I am sharing are to help pull you out of those “bad” moments and start doing some needed relational repairing.